Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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