I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
