Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
