wakey wakey hands off snakey
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
