Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
