im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
