I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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