i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
