I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
