I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
