at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
