The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
