you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
