But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
