Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
