My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
