I accidentally had phone sex last night
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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