Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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