i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
