I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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