3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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