obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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