she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
