I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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