K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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