Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
