okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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