the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize