the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
it was like eating out sand paper
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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