I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
