my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize