why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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