how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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