i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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