why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
