Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize