its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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