We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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