I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize