Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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