I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize