You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
