All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
