Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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