party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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