Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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