So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
