you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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