i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
