If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
