Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize