Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
