Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
