i just google imaged poop.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
