I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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