I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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