I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
