As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
