that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
