STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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