i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
