Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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