I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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