There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize