If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I understand Curling. That high.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
