I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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