He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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