Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
