Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
