I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
