I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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