So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
