I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
