Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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