He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
