found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
