Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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