So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize