I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
