It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
