I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
