I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
