Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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