My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
